Harry Aino
by lord Martiya
Summary: Long story short: before leaving Britain and returning to Japan, Minako adopted the just orphaned Harry Potter and raised him. Now he's 11. Poor, poor Britain...
1. Minako's Craziest Secret

This was inspired by Bissek's _The Night the Ministry Shot Itself in the Foot_ challenge. By that and my own fanfics on Harry raised by _Negima!_'s characters. May God forgive me.

by lord Martiya

Timeline note: I used _Harry Potter_'s wrecked timeline to do as I pleased with the time setting of this fic. It starts in september 2002, ten years after _Sailor Moon_'s anime first season.

**Minako's Crazyest Secret**

The Sailor Senshi headquarter had been used very rarely in the past, and for a good reason: somehow, the ONLY entrance had been placed directly under a game machine, later replaced with the Sailor V Game machine as soon as Artemis decided to use it to train Minako. That flaw had been corrected since Minako and Usagi got the mooncats to buy the place when it was about to close and be replaced with a MacDonald's. Now it was being used more often, and it was currently hosting Haruka and Michiru laughing at Luna, Ami, Rei and Makoto freaking out, as Pluto had just admitted the Black Moon thing and Chibiusa herself had been a 'training prank on her part' and Minako pointed out that Usagi and herself had long caught the thing (Minako pretty much since they went in the future, Usagi since she wondered how the Black Moon survived Uranus and Neptune).

"And that's why I can't trust you with my greatest secret."

Minako's statement stopped the Senshi's freakout.

"YOU have a secret?" Rei asked.

"I'm quite good at keeping them." Minako replied while drinking some tea. "My grandfather would have never found out I am Sailor Venus if Artemis stayed away while he was around, and if I can fool the best of ICPO, I think I can keep any secret I want. I even got Artemis faking I had lost my memory too after the Dark Kingdom affair to keep that secret..."

The other Senshi talked to each other, then decided there was a good chance she was holding something on them and had managed not to slip that out even after Galaxia. Then Minako's communicator rang, and after a quick conversation in English much faster than they could understand the Senshi of Love got up, transformed and started running, donning her mask for the first time in years, screaming like a madwoman and wielding an axe in her hands.

"Where did she took that?" Haruka wondered. "Hey, why are you transforming?"

"When she gets violent, she's as bad as Galaxia during her period." was Luna's answer, as Sailor Moon, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and Pluto were too busy chasing Venus to stop and answer.

* * *

In the years, many people had identified Sailor Venus as their heroine Sailor V, and had wondered why she had changed outfit. Chiba Mamoru too, as early as he got his memory back after the Ail&An affair-long amnesia. Then, as soon as the two aliens left Earth Venus got him for his capers during the search for the Silver Crystal, and then managed to get him sentenced to a particular variant of forced labor that bringed him in the know.

That forced labor had often got him doing a certain thing during the Senshi Girls Only nights like that, and had just got his Tuxedo Kamen persona in his strangest battle so far. Keep in mind, this is the same Tuxedo Kamen who once attacked an ice monster dressed as Santa Claus only because it was Christmas' week...

"Listen, I'm here ta rescue lil' Harry!" his enemy said.

"Kidnapping, you mean." Tuxedo Kamen replied. "SHE rescued him from your boss, I saw the documents."

In all fairness, Tuxedo Kamen had never faced a grammatically-challenged man too big for being a full human who was still walking in spite of getting hit with twenty of his infamous AP roses and insisted his attempted kidnapping was actually a rescue, and believed what he said too.  
"OK, I don't have much time, so ya let me pass or I pass over you." the giant threathened.

Bad move. For the first time in about ten years, Tuxedo Kamen used the electroshock roses.

"It stings, ya moron!"

In moments like that, Tuxedo Kamen wished he listened to Minako, That Man (there was no way he would mention his name) and Mio and kept some explosive rose with himself at any time, instead that keeping the stash ready and growing for the day he would meet Usagi's parents as their future son in law... Well, better call the second line of defence. Artemis and Minako's youma should suffice. And if not, well, Venus had no qualms at using her being the only Sailor Senshi that Tomoe Souichi would trust his daugher with after Pluto's stunt, nor to sick That Man on the intruder.

"HAGRID! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!"

At that point, Tuxedo Kamen ran away, so he wouldn't risk to accidentally get killed by Sailor Venus. Who was finally donning her mask. And stopped her axe (he wasn't even wondering where she got it) at three cm from Hagrid's nose when he produced a white flag. Clearly this Hagrid wasn't stupid, just grammatically challenged.

"What the hell is going on?" was Sailor Moon question when she, Mercury, Mars and Jupiter reached them.

"Nothing, this guy was just trying to kidnap me." an obviously not-Japanese eleven years old boy armed to the theeth said after popping out from nowhere.

"Harry, what's that?" Venus asked.

"I can't just let Tuxy-ojikun defend me if I'm not ready to fight."

"Right. Well, let's go to my office, everyone."

"Yes, mom."

"You know, you WERE right about not telling them." Artemis stated after appearing and taking a look at Mercury and Jupiter.

Not surprisingly, Moon and Pluto had almost no reaction, as she had long learned to expect even the impossible from her fellow blonde. The others had instead learned only to expect everything remotely possible from her, and so Mercury and Jupiter were freaking out. And Mars...

"I told my grandfather you were involved with Harry Potter's disappearance, but he noo, he wouldn't believe..."

_Author note_

The McDonald's thing is inspired by a real fact: the Game Center Crown was based on the Pachinko Hall Crown actually existing in the very same area that has since been replaced by a McDonald's. Do you think the Sailor Senshi would actually let it happen in their world?

That's my question about Chibiusa and her future: how did the other Senshi prevented Uranus and Neptune from exterminating the exiles who would become the ancestors of the Black Moon Family? Somebody was due to slip that up (most probably Chibiusa), and knowing those two, there was no way that could happen. That part is even fishier than Doctor Tomoe just letting Setsuna taking Hotaru with her.

Simple fact: every single time Minako got violent, be it in the manga, the anime or the live action, the foe should start praying. Ask that youma who pissed her off and was already dead by Sailor V's punch before getting Crescent Beamed, the DD Girl that was blowed up into pieces or the live action version of QUEEN METALLIA... Yes, Venus got Queen Metallia on the run, and she was dying from an unspecified illness (she would in fact die the following episode, just before undergoing the surgery that could have saved her), so I don't even try and imagine what would have happened if she was fine.

As I said, Tomoe letting Setsuna with her just because is quite fishy. My take is with Sailor Chibi Jennifer (check her website, moonsticks DOT org , for what I mean).


	2. Adoptions

And now... How that happened. Oh, and before you ask, Minako had years to prepare, and she had help from the guy called That Man, a cross between my favourite madman and a particularly fiendish anime villain.

by lord Martiya

**Adoptions**

Sailor Moon, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Venus, Pluto, Uranus, Neptune and Saturn, Souichi Tomoe, Tuxedo Kamen, Luna, Artemis, Venus' pet youma (where the hell did she found that?), That Man (whose life had been saved by the Senshi of Love, who then gained a minion. When she found out Venus had him in her pocket, Moon dressed her down on not using his help against the other Big Bads, and then forced everyone to call him only That Man in her presence), the police chief Sakurada Natsuna with her assistant, that Rubeus Hagrid guy and Venus' secret child were in Venus' office at the Tokyo police headquarter (they had stopped trying to rationalizate the fact she was an important cop, albeith an unusual one, in spite of her being quite insufferent of police officers in general).

"So, let me repeat what I think you said... You found Dumbledore, Albus-Wulfric-Percival-Brian-I-Hunt-Down-Evil-Wizards-For-Kicks-Dumbledore of all people, placing THE Harry Potter in care of possibly abusing relatives and so you took him away, adopted him and faked your own death to raise him here in Japan, right?" Sailor Mars asked.

"Yep."

Sailor Mars groaned. Being raised in a temple she was quite proficient in Japanese traditional magic and had regular encounters with wizards, so she was accustomed to British wizards' sillyness enough to fully appreciate what Venus had done, and had actually suspected something like that for a few years. Yet, that was too much even for her.

"I know I'm gonna rue doing this, but... How it happened?"

Venus and her son sported twin grins. The presents but Sakurada with her assistant, Hagrid and Artemis (the first two already knew the story, and the other two were part of it) started wincing.

"It started with British wizards and their problem with that Voldemort guy..." Venus started. "PLEASE, how can you fear that moron? Anyway, Voldy was playing terrorist until he decided to kill Harry, so he murdered his parents before getting suckered into killing himself, and Harry was hailed as the Saviour of the Wizarding World, because, as anyone in magical Britain knows, only Britain is the world, and as The Boy Who Lived as he's the first recorded instance of a survivor to the so-called Killing Curse. And old man Dumbledore had a very bright idea about his placement, one I happened to stumble on."

_Flashback_

Sailor V and Artemis were patrolling in Little Whinging (who the hell names a place after the concept of whining? Scratch that, who the hell names TWO places after that? Because the 'Little' part implied the existance of a Great Whinging...), centre of strange activity the Prime Minister and the Queen suspected to be linked with the terrorist activity they were about to set Gurkhas on as soon as they got a target. And while they sneaked around on the roofs, Artemis heard somebody speaking of the 'worse sort of muggles'. Good enough for the two to stop and overhear the wizards (Gandalf's twin, a witch and a guy too big to be fully human), who were talking of giving a magical child to a family who HATED magic. Not a smart move.

"And why are you placing him here?" V interejcted after coming down.

"For his protection from the remaining Death Eaters." the Gandalf-looking wizard holding the child replied. Then he realized who had asked. "Wait, who are you?"  
"The codename's Sailor V, and I say you should give the child to somebody specified in the will of his parents. And I refuse to think they were so stupid not to set one."

"I had to seal it. Harry must be protected, and I don't know anything of this V-chan person."

At that point, Sailor V understood that the child was the son of that Lily Potter she had saved from a youma a couple weeks earlier. And decided to act.

"Look, the Dark Mark!" she cried while pointing behind Dumbledore.

And as he turned, V snatched Harry Potter from him and started running on the roofs with Artemis, cackling like a madwoman after the old man fell for one of the lamest tricks ever (to be fair, it was so lame he didn't expect anyone would try it on him). Then she heard an engine noise, and when she looked she found that the big guy was pursuing her with an oversized, white, FLYING 1959 Triumph 650 T 120 Bonneville.

"I'll get Harry back, or mah name's not Rubeus Hagrid anymore!" he declared.

"Then change name." V replied before jumping down of the roofs.

And when the flying motorbike came near her, she lifted motorbike and driver. With one hand. Oh, Sailor V really LOVED her magically augmented strenght... Then, she shook until Hagrid fell down, and she lifted Hagrid.

"OK, let's make this clear: if this child is Harry James Potter, son of James Potter and Lily Potter nee Evans, then I'm the V-chan the will named as Harry's guardian." she said. "And I will NEVER abandon anyone depending on me. So, don't even try and track me, or else I'll... I'll eat you."

V walked away after tossing Hagrid in the opposite direction. Then she changed her mind and confiscated Hagrid's motorbike to fly away with Artemis.

"I wonder if Alan would make a good father..." she mused.

"He's in love with Katarina." Artemis pointed out.

"Not again! It's the-"

"The four thousand, three hundreds and forty-seventh time. And she loves him back, even if they still don't realize."

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_End Flashback_

"After that I went to the Queen, got the guardianship recognized thanks to my own copy of the Potters Will, smart girl that Lily, adopted Harry to boot and faked my own death to get my British friends together and keep them out of danger, using the bomb and my finding out they were in love as cover for my leaving Britain without saying goodbye." Minako finished.

And people thought that the time she started baiting Daimons just to prove she had a Pure Heart Crystal and the related goodness was the silliest thing she had ever done...

"So, Hagrid-san, what are you doing here?" Venus asked.

"Well, ya see, Harry's supposed to go to Hogwarts, and-"

"And Dumbledore sent you to try and kidnap my SON. I'm sure he used different words, but it reduces to this."

"Er... But Harry-"

"I don't treat with minions. Bring here Dumbledore himself, or Harry will not go to Hogwarts, even if I need to blow up the castle."

"Why, mom? I can destroy the castle by myself." Harry intervened.

"Not if I can prevent it, young man. I'm your mother, protecting you is my duty, as it is blowing up castles in your behalf."

"You can stop it, he's already out cold." Artemis stated, pointing at a knocked out Hagrid.

Their complaint on all that practice wasted was fully expected.

"Questions?" Venus asked to her companions.

"Out of curiosity... Didn't you hate the police?" That Man asked.

"Only the cops, and only until they prove they're trying to do their job and not just annoying me. As soon as I know that, they're human again."

That statement and Sakurada's evil smile were all the evidence needed to explain why Tokyo Metropolitan Police was almost corruption free.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore arrived two days later. He was sure he could convince Sailor Venus to leave Harry in his care, one way or the other. Then he noticed the golden chain of Violet Carson roses (why THOSE roses?) she had in her hand.

"OK, Gandalf, let's make this clear: Harry's my son now, and if you attempt to even suggest I should leave him to someone else this will enter from your rear hole and exit from the mouth." was Venus' way to shoot down his resolution. "Now, give me a good reason for which I should send Harry to Hogwarts, given that Artemis could do part of the job by himself and one of my friends has links to the Japanese Ministry."

"I am the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot." Dumbledore replied, preparing the ground for his master strike. "I may help lifting the Ministry ban on that Aino Minako girl's songs."

"That was low. I'll send him, -"

Hook, line and sinker. Dumbledore was quite grateful that Sailor Venus' other identity was a fairly famous singer attempting to expand her fame in the wizarding world and that Umbridge had banned her songs from the Wizarding Britain for _C'est la Vie-Watashi no Naka no Koi Suru Bubun_ would be depressing (did the toad ever listened that song?)...

"-but only on these conditions."

Dumbledore read the conditions. He was expecting them. Control on the Potters properties 'till Harry's seventeenth birthday, a full list of the properties, a pire on which burn all arranged marriage proposals regarding her adopted son, a lifetime of cotton candy for two humans and a cat-wait, the cotton candy was unexpected. Oh, her face showed she inserted that only to screw up with his mind-, the head of the ban on her songs on a silver platter. Those he expected, and could easily accept. But the last two...

"We have issues on two of them." he had to announce.

"Explain."

"About the House... It's not me to decide, but the Sorting Hat."

"The what?"

"The Sorting Hat. The Founders of Hogwarts were worried that their successors may not be able to sort the students neutrally, so Godric Gryffindor offered his hat to be enchanted for the job. And I saw what's happened when somebody tried to influence the Sorting: he sent the student in the House he despised most, Hufflepuff."

"That idiot had no appreciation for the hard work... I approve! OK, I'll let him do the job. The other issue?"

"Harry Potter is an hero, a symbol. Why do you wish to cancel that?"

"Not my idea. You see, Artemis is quite skilled in mind magic, and managed to recover his memory of Voldemort's defeat. And it was embarassing. Seriously, if somebody with magic tell you 'don't kill him, take my life instead', you first kill your target and THEN the person who did the proposal! Anyway, he decided he doesn't wish to steal the credit from his mother and that he wants his fame to be rightly earned by finishing the job, and that it would start from being known as Harry James Aino."

"But-"

"Not my problem, Gandalf. You either accept he's Harry Aino or he'll just ignore you."

"What if we enroll him as 'Harry Aino, formerly Harry Potter'?"

"You know he'll try and skin you for that, don't you?"

"That will be my problem."  
"Then hand over the item list, your minion Hagrid and Harry's trust found key, tomorrow we'll go to Gringotts. By the way, you disappointed me. Why didn't you appeal to Harry's status as a symbol of liberty and victory?"

"You would have sent Harry to Hogwart for that?"

"Well, yes. I'm a Defender of Justice, after all. And that's Mister Aino, for you."  
"Oh. Well, I didn't expect that. Out of curiosity... Why did you wished Harry in Slytherin?"  
"To better screw up with the inbreed cretins heads, of course. And speaking of heads, may you explain why Harry had a piece of soul in his scar?"

"So, it's true... Voldemort created various horcruxes to grant himself immortality."

"Hor-what?"

"He split his soul in various pieces and sealed the cut parts in various objects to anchor himself to Earth."

Dumbledore saw that Sailor Venus understood the implications and had been prevident enough to keep some paper bags to puke into.

"I suspected he had split his soul enough times he had accidentally make Harry one of them, but without sure knowledge I didn't dare to take him to an exorcist before the thing rooted: I saw a few exorcism, and a one year old child could not survive. But you said 'had'... Does this mean you dealt with it?"

"Dumbly, that ability is what set me and Sailor Moon apart from the rest of her bodyguards. Now shoo, I have a pay to earn."

Dumbledore left, a bit sour for the new bit of knowledge but sure that he still had a way to influence Harry. Boy, he was deluded...

_Author note_

Sakurada Natsuna is a _Codename: Sailor V_ character, as is her boy-toy Wakagi Toshio. Natsuna (possibly a sister to Usagi's teacher Haruna) is the superintendent general of the Tokyo Metropolitan Police, and was initially notable as a closeted Sailor V fan. Upon befriending Minako and finding out she was Sailor V, she telephoned her once a week and provided support for her final solo mission in China (the last chapter of _Sailor V_), and actually succeeded in having her idol join the police (Minako justified it with the high pay when she announced the thing to Artemis). Wakagi, instead, is a recurrent annoyance to Sailor V, who he hates for humiliating the police (V started becoming famous by catching bandits with the stated purpose of humiliating them), accidentally stealing a vacation to the Hawaii from his brother (and then she took the wrong plane and ended in Greece), his boss' orders to catch and have V join the police and being the indirect responsable to his temporary posting in Siberia, but, upon returning, he had somehow mellowed. His most notable roles are being Natsuna's boy-toy and the Minako's favourite among her Five Thousands First Loves (she renounced to him upon realization that he was Natsuna's boy-toy).

I checked, and Little Whinging is, according to JKR herself, named after an alternate spelling of whining. My comment is in the story.

Yes, Artemis actually keep count of Minako's crushes, and in the _Codename: Sailor V_ manga he congratulated upon reaching of the 5000th First Love (that's where I found the number of the earlier note).

Venus' chain of roses is the Love Whip, the upgrade of the Venus Chain found in the manga. I'll get on its lack of use in the anime later.

The Violet Carson rose has been chosen here for a simple reason: it's the flower symbol of _V For Vendetta_. And Dumbledore immediatly associated them with the character.

I repeat, this fanfic is set six/seven years after Galaxia. Assuming there was no new menace, it's safe to assume that Minako finally returned trying to be an idol, as that was her stated intention in episode 192 and her abilities seems to be on par with Komatsu Ayaka (snicker).

_C'est la Vie-Watashi no Naka no Koi Suru Bubun_ is Sailor Venus' image song in the Live action and the most widely known song of idol Aino Minako. Two things about the song: the title is translated in English as 'That's Life-The Loving Part Inside Me', inverting the usual meaning of c'est la vie (hence the Umbridge fake belief it's depressing); the Japanese pronunciation of 'c'est la vie' is 'sera vi', identical to their way of saying 'Sailor V' (bet Minako was laughing herself silly after every performance).

Simple truth: Sailor Venus HAS that ability. She used it a few times in the _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, mainly to purify the toxic waste smell left by dead youma but also to heal brainwashed people. Her lack of its use in the anime and _Sailor Moon_ manga is probably caused by Sailor Moon having the same ability, only more powerful.


	3. Before Hogwarts

A reviewer made a strange question. He asked if I planned any pairing. Seriously, do you think it's safe to plan a pairing for Minako? She may well pop out from the monitor and beat me for interfering in the path of true love if I dared! I shall respect Sailor Moon's canon pairings, and the G.E.M. (you'll know her soon) is jaded against love, but for the rest, I don't know. By the way, I have inserted an homage to the wacky site Moonsticks dot Org. Check it out.

by lord Martiya

**Before Hogwarts**

"I call bullshit on this." three voices said as one.

That was not a good day for Hagrid. Yes, he was chaperoning Harry Potter into Diagon Alley, but he was quite insane, he was with his adopted mother Aino Minako who was clearly insane, and a woman he knew only as 'The G.E.M.' and that Minako didn't dare to look in they eyes had decided to tag along until Gringotts. And they had just called bullshit on his comment about all bad wizards coming from Slytherin.

"I think I'd know this, I'd fought them..." Hagrid countered.

"Sirius Black was from Gryffindor." Minako replied.

"Er... Well..."

"And Grindelwald didn't even studied at Hogwarts." Harry added. Then G.E.M. definitely shot down any argument Hagrid could have made.

"Emeric the Evil came before Hogwarts and was in fact evil. Barnabas Deverill was quite naughty, and was self-taught. Loxias studied at Albarulea, in Italy, and was a notorious killer. Hereward was from the New World, and he killed his own father for Puu's stick. Merwyn the Malicious was particularly naughty, and lived before Hogwarts. The Corinthians good-to-nothing mages were evil, Greek and I killed them before Hogwarts' founders were a figment in the Universe's imagination. And my own person could be considered as 'having gone bad', yet I never studied in Hogwarts. What's next, you'll slander Snake Speakers?"

"That's quite common here." Minako said. Then G.E.M. looked at her. "Not kidding! Not kidding!"

G.E.M. facepalmed.

"Hey, blame You-Know-Who, he's spoke to snakes and was evil as you get!" Hagrid explained.

"And because of that, you people felt free to insult we healers and potion makers." replied G.E.M. "No wonder you're reduced like this, stupid enough to mistreat your everyday saviours and coward enough not to say VOLDEMORT aloud."

"Screaming Voldemort was uncalled for." Harry said, noting the many people running away in fear.

"Not at all. The earliest they can cope, the earliest they can stop being the laughing stock of Mankind."

Worst of all, this woman was right: Hagrid realized it was ridicolous to flinch or even run in fear at the sound of the name 'Voldemort', yet he couldn't help but flinch. At least they were at Gringotts...

"Now, I warn ya: goblins are not friendly fellah, so be honest and don't try trade and ya'll be safe." he said.

"Really?" Minako wondered, sceptical.

"Goblins are bloodthirsty and cruel, and respect only strenght in a velvet glove. Our chaperon can expect honesty from them because he's honest and proved to be strong in arms and will. I can expect something more from them because I'm basically the Goddess-Empress of Mankind, as you so kindly nicknamed me. The two of you? Not yet."

She entered in Gringotts and, true to her word, various goblins started treating her as a vengeful goddess as she went to check her vault.  
"Goddess-Empress of Mankind?" Hagrid asked.

"The God-Emperor of Mankind is a character of a game of ours. He's an immortal and cynical bastard with immense power fighting for the best interests of mankind, and she's basically his real-life counterpart." Minako explained. "A bit more hands-off, but from the same mold. But let's go to business and away from scary topics, ok?"

Hagrid nodded, and led Harry and Minako to the employees, and, as ordered by Dumbledore, mentioned the 'You-Know-What'. Then, as NOT anticipated, the two stayed to check documents about the Potter Vaults. Partial failure while Hagrid and the goblin Griphook went to the vault 'You-Know-Which'. Oh well, it could have been worse...

"Sorry, we'd need to go to our vault, may we tag along?" The G.E.M. said after appearing near them. As expected, Griphook let her tag along, not baffled at all by her sudden use of the majestatic plural. Then, during the travel, she spoke: "You know, mr Hagrid, we find quite odd that a man like you fears the name Voldemort. After all, it's not like Voldemort is his Secret Name, Voldemort is just an odd-sounding fake name, and even if Voldemort WAS the Secret Name it should be Voldemort to fear it, not us to fear the name Voldemort. For if Voldemort was Voldemort's True Name, then the right spell could harm Voldemort..."

She continued all the time. And the worst part was that her intentions were GOOD.

* * *

After a few minutes, Minako finished checking the Potter properties and investments.

"No theft, I see." she sentenced.

"Are you calling the goblins stupid or ungrateful?" her counterpart, a goblin called Gornuk, asked.

"Not at all. It's just that I have no knowledge of the account manager, and no reason to trust him yet."

"Her. Madam Ragelfyg is the account manager, and personally denounced executed her predecessor for trying just that. But we have a debt with Harry Aino, even if it may have been his birth mother, and we tend not to get fooled by the Refuge in Audacity. By the way..."

Gornuk produced a bag full of galleons.

"The monsters you hunted were a danger for us, and Gringotts put a bounty of fifty galleons for every killing on British soil. As we could confirm ten of such killings and their apparent escape in fear, this bag contain eight hundreds galleons." he said. Then he produced another, much bigger, bag. "We also confirmed you and your companions exterminated their army and killed their masters. Please accept these ten thousands galleons as our thanking."

Minako made a quick convertion. At 49.3 pounds a galleon, the bounties and her part amounted to 138,040 pound sterlings, and in yen that was...

"Is she... Ringing?" Gornuk asked.

"Yeah, she always makes Uncle Scrooge's imitation when she gets a lot of money." Harry explained.

* * *

At his return from the dungeons, Hagrid found that the Ainos had been gentle enough to procure him a bottle of firewhiskey, while the G.E.M. teleported away.

"Don't 'now how ya can deal with her, seriously..." he declared.

"Habit: I was forced to meet with her every single day for two years, and humans can adapt to pretty much everything, if they don't get killed before that." Minako said. "Also, she's the second best chessplayer in history, and I'm getting lessons in exchange of WH40k lessons."

"She's not that bad." Harry said. "I mean, she can be stern, but she's not evil..."

"You met her only during the medical visits and the Potion lessons, where she takes an effort to be civil, but outside that, she managed to enter the Greek Pantheon twice as two of the most deranged divinities of the pantheon of Divine Dickery! And the worst part is that she was the good one all along..."

"Better go and buy things..." Hagrid said. "By the way, I haf to buy you a birthday present, Harry! Don' give me that look, I was a friend of his parents..."

"Fine, but no familiars nor wands." Minako decreed. "He already got a pet for Hogwarts and a wand."

Bad day for Hagrid. Now, what could he give Harry? And what wandmaker could be better than Ollivander?

* * *

"AT-CHOO! Damn fame..." Meioh Setsuna grumbled. "Now, can you explain me why you trust the wackyest Sailor Senshi over the rest of us? I may understand over me, but over the others..."

"Good question." Tomoe admitted. "Almost as good as why my face looks like two oranges and a banana every time I wear glasses and I'm in the dark..."

* * *

"Harry... Where did you found that?" Artemis asked to the returning child and adopted mother.

"Birthday present from mr Hagrid." he replied. "Just wait 'till I find how to use it..."

Where the hell a wizard found an enchanted Panzershreck? Oh, well... "They don't make its rockets anymore." Artemis decided he would later go the nearest temple to thank the gods for that. "Anyway, anything interesting?"

"Met a Slytherin wannabee. Quite obnoxious and pratty. Screwing up his mind will be fun."

"Your mother told you about the Sorting Hat, didn't she?"

"Even if we end in different Houses, I'll screw him up anyway. I'm going there just for that. Oh, and learning."

"Good to see you have your priorities straight. I hope I'll have somebody intelligent to talk with... By the way, this is for emergencies. Don't thank me, it's your mother's idea."

_Author note_

There is a reason if The G.E.M. equaled Parselmouths (that she knows as Snake Speakers) to healers and potion makers: speaking to snakes is useful only for those things (as you can bargain with wild snakes for their venom, itself the key ingredient in many ancients medicines and modern production of antipoison) and commanding already tamed snakes, and the latter feath could be replied without speaking Parseltongue. Incidentally, the most (in)famous characters of Western mythology associated with snakes are the God of Medicine, Healing and Plague Apollo, his son Asclepius who could heal even DEATH (he did so to the drowned Hippolytus) and learned how to do so from snakes, and Medea, who was herself the foremost healer and potion maker of Greek mythology (her potions could easily bring back from death even people who had been cut into pieces. Her tendence to overkill in anger nowithstanding, she was the best healer of Greek myth, surpassing even the son of Apollo himself) and could actually TALK to snakes.

Minako (who has a tendence to learn from the most unexpected sources and had been in Greece once) knows what she's talking about: of all the various major and minor divinities, the only ones not prone to kill you in a gruesome way for little to no reason were Hephaestus (the gentle one, in spite of being mocked by everyone), Hades (and that's a good thing, given he's the God of the Deads), Hermes (yes, the god of thieves was one of the nicest guys) and Dionysus (at least when not provoked). Even the goddesses of Justice had a tendence to be deranged, exemplified by them being entities like the Erynnes and Nemesis (they EXECUTED Justice, but they still were goddesses of Justice).

Panzershreck is the popular name of the Raketenpanzerbüchse, a German copy of the M1A1 Bazooka.


	4. Train Ride

In this chapter we arrive at Hogwarts. And we meet some characters. Note that I don't consider Ron stupid: I consider him arrogant, coward and mentally lazy. He COULD be a genious and an hero, but he chose not. Too bad for him...

by lord Martiya

**Train Ride**

It was September 1st. The beginning of the school. And Harry was actually wondering how the hell the various wizards at King's Cross were not being called out.

"You don't need to remark it's your first time in London proper." Minako replied when he voiced that out loud. "I mean, this is the place where Punk subculture originated and Freddie Mercury found a stable job... You can bet that if somebody placed a car bomb here, the car would be simply ticketed and transported to a car pound for illegal parking before being found out."

"Yes, but that family not remembering the platform's number?"

"They attributed it to stress from having to raise five children. You'll understand when it will be your turn." Artemis said while adjusting his Commissar Cap (present from Makoto. Sometimes the girl did what Minako did not dare to do). "But let's go now, we have bigots to screw up."

And so, Harry Aino and his cat took the Hogwarts Express. In the same moment, a majority of Slytherin students felt like a tank had just walked on their collective graves. And wondered what the hell a tank WAS, not believing in Lucius Malfoy's explanation of "Judges 1:19".

* * *

Harry and Artemis were on the train in an empty compartment when the door opened. It was a redhead, who asked if he could sit there, as all the compartments were supposedly full (too bad that Artemis had taken a peek and established there was twice the needed place for the students, as they didn't know how many compartments would be confiscated by couples).

"Sure. It's a free country." Harry replied, wary. And noting the intruder was checking for Harry Potter's trademark scar, covered with something as cheap as make up. But even without the scar and with a cat looking at him murderous, the small miscreant insisted.

"Hi, I'm Ron Weasley."

"Watashi wa Aino Harry desu."

It just meant 'I'm Harry Aino', but the Gratuitous Japanese finally convinced him that he wasn't Harry Potter. But then, the damned idiot started complaining on how he was searching for Harry Potter because they were meant to be best friends and Dumbledore wanted so, yadda yadda yadda. Even his own pet rat was looking desperate. Finally, after a while, a blond guy, their same age, with two bodyguards, entered the compartment.

"They say Harry Potter is here. Are you him?"

Blunt as an axe. At least this one was sincere.

"My name is Harry AINO." he replied.

"Aino, eh? I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy, and these are Crabbe and Goyle." he presented himself and his two minions.

While speaking, Malfoy thought about Harry's presentation. He wasn't stupid. Prejudiced and too arrogant for his own good, yes, but not stupid. And his father had told him of a Japanese singer named Aino Minako who was apparently linked to Sailor V, as the famous demon killer had allowed her to place a subtle hint in the song _C'Est la Vie_ (pronounced by most Japanese as 'sera vi', the same way they said 'Sailor V'. Too bad that Aino Minako was very fluent in English and had pronounced correctly the phrase 'c'est la vie' on more than one occasion. According to Malfoy's father, that meant that Aino Minako was linked to Sailor V or actually WAS Sailor V and laughed herself silly after any execution of _C'Est la Vie_). Also, Harry Aino said 'my name is', not 'I am'. Coupled with the presence of what looked the thinly disguised cat of Sailor V, he got the correct message: for some reason, he didn't want to be called Potter. So, why being rude? And was the redhead laughing at him?

"I know who you are. Red hair, hand-me-down clothes, you're a Weasley, aren't you?" and that shut him up. And Aino looked a little peeved at the poverty jibe. Well, better do the damn thing before he got pissed and sicked the monster cat on him. "Well, Aino, from the name you're Japanese. I think I may help you avoiding some... 'mistakes', similar to the ones I'd do in Japan."

"Well, Artemis lived here for a while, he's here exactly for that." Harry replied. "Still, thanks for the offer."

"Of course." shit, that was Sailor V's monster cat. Retreat, retreat! Covertly kick Crabbe in the shin and retreat! "Wel-"

"Ouch!"

"What's happening, Crabbe? Sorry, Harry, but I have to go, maybe one of the seniors can help him. But if you need help, just tell me."

And he escaped.

Then, a bushy-haired girl came.

"What have you done to that blond boy? He looked like he saw a ghost!" she asked.

"TRY YOURSELF TO STAY WITH THE MONSTER CAT! OH, SHIT, I SAID IT OUT LOUD!"

"Don't worry, I know my fame." Artemis replied.

"A talking cat?" Weasley exclaimed.

"What? A talking ape?"

While Weasley tried to intimidate Artemis and the cat just smirked, the bushy haired girl presented herself as Hermione Granger and asked if they had seen a toad lost by another boy.

"Sorry, no. But why don't you ask to one of the older students? Maybe they know the right spell." Harry replied.

Face, meet palm. Palm, face. Hermione thanked and left, muttering something like 'why the hell didn't I think about that'.

The girl left, and Harry was about to FINALLY read his thriller novel when he heard maracas. And well played too. Then, the player entered.

"Blaise?" he exclaimed.

"Nice to meet you too, Harry. And yes, it was me who told Malfoy." the newcomer replied.

"Well, are you here too to screw up with the blood supremacists' minds?"

"No, only with their money. Plus, mom is about to break her toy again, and I'll seek a rich replacement. Too bad that Lucius Malfoy is married, he's good looking too and I'd like a brother..."

Harry facepalmed, wondering WHY, of all the aliens that had visited Earth and were linked to the Sailor Senshi the only one with spawn who decided to stay was the pervert that got all her 'husbands' to make her their only heir before 'getting fun with them' to death. And she was about getting a seventh... Then, somebody signed his own death sentence.

"What a whore!" Weasley exclaimed.

Blaise stopped playing the maracas and gave Weasley a look worth of Galaxia on those days after she had been told 'gold is shit'. Differently from Galaxia, Blaise did not disintegrate the fool, but made clear one thing.

"OK, Scarlett, let me tell you one thing: I am Blaise Zabini, and should you give an excuse I'll burn you to death, revive you, transform your sorry self in a silly thing, ruin your image forever, get you back to normal to enjoy your humiliation, make you immortal and bury you alive with an immortal rabid badger, and that only I'm in a good mood." he deadpanned. "Now, disappear from my sight, or else..."  
Ronald Weasley ran away. Then he returned, recovered his things and ran away again.

"You owe me one." Blaise declared.

"Poor rat..." Artemis commented. "Not sure if he's actually a rat, but he must be desperate to put with that idiot."

* * *

Finally, Harry was at Hogwarts. Thanks to Blaise, he had ridden himself of Weasley. Later, Hermione Granger had joined him and Blaise, and the two had managed to get her to doubt a little of books (she worshipped them worse than Minako worshipped the Rainbow Chocolate), or at least of their writers.

The boat ride to Hogwarts had been nice, and the castle was splendid. Even if the effect was ruined for Harry, who was used to his mother's Magellan Castle simple magnificence. Now, it was time for Harry Aino to act and be sorted (hopefully in Slytherin, if he could talk the Sorting Hat into it). And see who would realize that Harry Aino was Harry Potter. Good, the deputy headmistress is about to call...

"Aino, Harry. Formerly known as Harry Potter."

Somehow, Harry KNEW his mother was laughing at him. It was just her style.

_Author note_

I know it's not really certain if the Punk subculture originated in Britain, but Minako is of that opinion.

Minako is being prophetic: in 2007 a car bomb was actually ticketed and transported to a car pound for illegal parking before the staff heard of another car bomb and reported this one. It's to be noted that the car bombs lacked oxidizers and would have not exploded and that the authors of the two attacks were arrested the following day in Glasgow for attempting a kamikaze attack on the local airport resulting in the police having to save them from the local people (one of them died for burns he received from his own car bomb, but he had been struck down by a baggage handler giving him an hell of a crotch attack).

About Makoto doing what Minako doesn't dare to do, there's an instance in the manga where she, on the Moon with Sailor Moon and the others, did the Moon Rabbit joke to Usagi. Sailor Venus, for all her silly antics, FACEFAULTED. And remember, that's the same Minako who once called Artemis a transexual because he's a male with the same name of a goddess...

Yes, Lucius can can quote the Bible. And he chose an appropriate passage, given that those iron chariots Judges 1:19 speaks of drove away GOD. Maybe exagerated, but nonetheless appropriate.

Rainbow Chocolate is a particular sweet appeared in the _Codename: Sailor V_ manga, noted for being incredibly good and REALLY fattening. Minako is the only one who managed to stay slim while eating a lot of them (she had to do a lot of gymnastic, but she managed it) before finding out the cook was a youma and killing it. To be fair, Rainbow Chocolate was a genuine product, not some magicked shit like what Jadeite would have sold...

Magellan Castle is Sailor Venus' orbital palace on Venus. Try and imagine the effect of a golden palace of majestic simplicity, and compare it to Hogwarts.


	5. Sorting

In this one I'll give you some information on Minako's lawyer. She's just that evil...

by lord Martiya

**The Sorting**

"What? But you can't-"

"I can, and I did." Minako declared. "Dozens of books have been published on the Boy Who Lived, yet my adopted son never got a knut of the royalties, nor I was asked about permission from anyone but that 'squib', Rowling. Also, the Potter cottage at Godric's Hollow has been declared an historical site and took away from my son's estate, yet he was not compensated. Your firm, as the Potter's representatives, should have stopped this, but you did not even tried. So, Whatever-Is-Your-Name, you're replaced by my own solicitors, and I'll take care to make everybody know. And yes, I know this may well ruin y-Uh? MWA-HA-HA! I was saying, I know this may well ruin you, but it's your problem, not mine."

"What was the evil laugh about?"

"Nothing, I felt my reality prank just got little Harry. I hope Artemis had the camera at ready..."

* * *

Harry was checking people's reaction to McGonagall's statement of his name. Of course, Dumbledore knew of it, and was making it blatantly obvious with his fake 'Who, me?' look. Also, as expected, many were wondering if he was 'That Harry Potter' and about the change of name, and Hermione was hanging with her mouth open. Malfoy was placing the rest of the first years between himself and Harry, but did not look too surprised. Then, the fool happened.

"Why you didn't tell me?" Ronald Weasley, of course. And the redhead brigade at the Gryffindor (including a prefect) table made a collective facepalm, while Dumbledore started eating his sherbet lemons (that Minako and Artemis suspected were laced with calming draught).

"Because it's not your business." he replied. "Listen up, I got famous because a git tried to kill me and screwed up after murdering my birth parents, and that's not a fame I love, so better remember that and call me Aino, for I will not answer to Potter unless I decide it's strictly necessary. Or it matters getting even with Voldemor-no, with Tommy the Wonderfart."

That shut everybody up (apart Dumbledore, who was too busy choking on his sherbet lemon to fit the definition): he had not only spoke the Dark Lord's name, but he had even gave him a derogatory nickname (it had actually been Minako the one coming up with it, and she had trademarked it, if only to make clear she had been the one inventing it). Then, after he stopped choking, Dumbledore asked for the sorting to continue, in the middle of his snickers.

"Yes, do it, I'd like to know where I have to place the bloody baggage. Why did it had to be a trunk when a magical suitcase would be as capient and easier to move..." Artemis said from near the Sorting Hat.

"Where the hell have you been?" Harry asked.

"Explained the staff your mother entrusted me alone with your trunk. Bloody house elves, they don't even taste that good..."

At that, Artemis spit a fake elf bone. I repeat, it was fake: the house elves had actually accepted Artemis' explanation after getting a written confirmation, but Artemis wanted to terrify the students in remembering Harry's new last name. He mostly succeeded, and about the remaining idiots, they would make good scratching posts. In the meantime, Harry came and took the Sorting Hat.

_"Wow, your mother is less crazy than I expected. With what I saw here, becoming Hannibal Lecter would be chosing to be nice..."_ the hat commented.

_You think I don't know?_ Harry mentally replied. _After last time she met HER mother, even Saitou-san knows better than risk her wrath. Well, what about the House I belong?_

_"I see you know the rules. But you're just too straightforward for Slytherin. Sorry, but you belongs to _GRYFFINDOR!"

"Damn..."

The Sorting proceeded, and Harry got questioned on his life with his mother, until he mentioned about suing the Boy Who Lived publishers.

"Good luck with that." the redheaded prefect, a Percy Weasley, said. "The judge will be partial because she's a muggle, and their lawyers will be-"

"EVIL! EVIL! HOLY SHIT, YOUR MOTHER'S EVIL!" the Sorting Hat cried.

"Oh, really? I didn't realize. With all the men she 'inherited' from, and the people she buried..." Blaise sarcastically replied. "Where do I belong?"

"Slytherin. Ghost of Salazar, please don't haunt me..."

"His mother is the Aino family lawyer." Harry deadpanned. "Trust me, she'll get more than requested out of logic, fear and lust."

"I don't want to know. But... Burying?"

"She was the groundskeeper of a graveyard before spawning."

"And she's now a lawyer, why?"

"Well, she says it's like her previous job, only you get people to bury themselves."

_Author's Note_

According to JKR's official site and the real-life counterpart of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_, a squib named J. K. Rowling is the author of a book called _Wizard's Book_ and the 2008 edition of _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_. We can assume she's also the author of the in-universe seven-volume biography of Harry Potter.

Sherbet lemon is the sweet that Dumbledore loves so much in the original edition, not the lemon drop.

To be fair, an OC of mine came up with the Wonderfart part before Minako, but she never knew of him and patented it first. Also, an unidentified Slytherin student came up with that when Tom Riddle was still a student, but 'someone' *coughTom Riddlecough* told The G.E.M. he was Jason reincarnated, and, after verifying, she awoke his past life's memories before killing him AGAIN.

I'd like you to note that Minako's private life is quite crappy in any continuity, as exemplified by the simple fact she hates cops as bad as her mother (she admits it, when asked) but her best friend is their boss. Is this author's opinion that Minako's silly actions are both a form of venting and a desperate request for help and not being left alone.

Sugao Saitou is a Live Action character, and Minako's flamboyant and devilish manager (and maybe the head of her company). He's most notable for being a childhood friend of Usagi's mother, knowing of Usagi and Minako's secret but just not caring (on one occasion he even got Luna competing in a quiz because there was a vacant spot) and being the one person capable to keep up with Minako and even having her wrapped around his finger (he's the one person who ever fooled her and got away with that.


End file.
